I decided to start my blog life with an article that I wrote for the newsletter I publish for the teen ministry at my church. While it specifically refers to parenting teens, I think it applies just the same to parenting kids of all ages!
I recently watched an interview with Bill Cosby about his philosophy on parenting and it was sadly enlightening! Our society has come so far in the wrong direction when it comes to parenting our children. Often parents are so concerned with being their children’s friends and being “liked” by their kids, that they forget one of God’s primary instructions to parents:
“A refusal to correct is a refusal to love; love your children by disciplining them.” Proverbs 13:24 (Message)
In the NIV version, Proverbs 13:24 says, ”He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” You know the old adage… spare the rod, spoil the child! A lot of people fear that verse because it seems as though God is saying to beat your children. That’s why I love the Message version – it simply says “a refusal to correct”. That’s exactly what I think God means by sparing the rod – He means failing to correct your children when they are wrong; failing to hold them accountable to your rules; failing to check in behind them and KNOW what they are involved in; failing to know their friends and approving of those friends; failing to say NO when that’s what is required. A quote from Cosby’s new book, “Come on People! On the Path from Victims to Victors”, really says it all: “I'm talking about these people who cry when their son is standing there in an orange suit. Where were you when he was two? Where were you when he was twelve? Where were you when he was eighteen, and how come you don't know he had a pistol?"
As parents, we MUST discipline our children and we have to know everything that is happening in their lives. It’s okay to look at their MySpace pages or view the internet history on their computers. It’s okay to require them to introduce you to all of their friends before they are allowed to leave the house with them. It’s okay to support the teacher in punishing your child when your child is the one making the mistake. It’s okay to believe that your child might tell a lie to cover their hiney, because you know what….sometimes kids lie! It’s okay to go into their rooms without their permission, to look under their mattresses, under their beds, in their drawers. Cosby referred to it as a “shake down” referring to the prison term for clearing out an inmate’s cell and looking for contraband! An inmate is living in someone else’s place, under someone else’s authority, and so are your kids – they have no right to privacy in YOUR house! I’m not saying treat your kids like prisoners, but I am saying treat them like your children.
I haven’t parented a teenager yet, but I have loved a lot of them through my work as a church youth leader and I have been a teenager. I worry about the kids in today’s generation because so many don’t have parents like mine - parents who will love them, adore them, and, as such, will be tough on them as necessary. I hope that as you read this, you can look at yourself and say – I’m okay with being my teen’s parent even if it means they won’t want to be my friend for a few years! If you’re not that parent, then I hope you’ll consider what I have said here and think about changing things in your house. Your teenager may not like you for it, but your adult child will love you for it because they’ll make it to adulthood with a good, strong moral foundation!
I recently watched an interview with Bill Cosby about his philosophy on parenting and it was sadly enlightening! Our society has come so far in the wrong direction when it comes to parenting our children. Often parents are so concerned with being their children’s friends and being “liked” by their kids, that they forget one of God’s primary instructions to parents:
“A refusal to correct is a refusal to love; love your children by disciplining them.” Proverbs 13:24 (Message)
In the NIV version, Proverbs 13:24 says, ”He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” You know the old adage… spare the rod, spoil the child! A lot of people fear that verse because it seems as though God is saying to beat your children. That’s why I love the Message version – it simply says “a refusal to correct”. That’s exactly what I think God means by sparing the rod – He means failing to correct your children when they are wrong; failing to hold them accountable to your rules; failing to check in behind them and KNOW what they are involved in; failing to know their friends and approving of those friends; failing to say NO when that’s what is required. A quote from Cosby’s new book, “Come on People! On the Path from Victims to Victors”, really says it all: “I'm talking about these people who cry when their son is standing there in an orange suit. Where were you when he was two? Where were you when he was twelve? Where were you when he was eighteen, and how come you don't know he had a pistol?"
As parents, we MUST discipline our children and we have to know everything that is happening in their lives. It’s okay to look at their MySpace pages or view the internet history on their computers. It’s okay to require them to introduce you to all of their friends before they are allowed to leave the house with them. It’s okay to support the teacher in punishing your child when your child is the one making the mistake. It’s okay to believe that your child might tell a lie to cover their hiney, because you know what….sometimes kids lie! It’s okay to go into their rooms without their permission, to look under their mattresses, under their beds, in their drawers. Cosby referred to it as a “shake down” referring to the prison term for clearing out an inmate’s cell and looking for contraband! An inmate is living in someone else’s place, under someone else’s authority, and so are your kids – they have no right to privacy in YOUR house! I’m not saying treat your kids like prisoners, but I am saying treat them like your children.
I haven’t parented a teenager yet, but I have loved a lot of them through my work as a church youth leader and I have been a teenager. I worry about the kids in today’s generation because so many don’t have parents like mine - parents who will love them, adore them, and, as such, will be tough on them as necessary. I hope that as you read this, you can look at yourself and say – I’m okay with being my teen’s parent even if it means they won’t want to be my friend for a few years! If you’re not that parent, then I hope you’ll consider what I have said here and think about changing things in your house. Your teenager may not like you for it, but your adult child will love you for it because they’ll make it to adulthood with a good, strong moral foundation!
3 comments:
I love the way Bill Cosby puts things. He is so right.
I've got it all figured out. I'm going to refuse to let mine grow up anymore.
I'll let you know how that works out for me! :)
You have a wealth of advice from working with the teens. I know when I was a teenager, I trusted my youth workers more than I did my parents, because it felt "safer"....so you know when they come to you with concerns, they are legitimate.
Hi Wendy,
In my Blog this week I've written about a great book called simply 'TEENAGERS' and written by a Christian writer called Rob Parsons. Anyone with kids should read this! It doesn't matter whether the are teenagers yet or on the way, this book offers sound advice from a Christian perspective.
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