I'm struggling with an issue and would love to hear from anyone who has thoughts on the best way to handle. It may simply be that I just need to stay out of it, but I just feel the need to share some wisdom with this young lady.
A teen girl (graduating this year) is planning a cruise with her boyfriend (graduated last year)following her graduation. It will be just the two of them alone - no adults, no chaperones. Her mom is apparently okay with this! She has been a dedicated Christian young lady until about the last year - okay I'm not saying she's not still Christian, just that circumstances have caused her to fall away from the church and she seems to be straying from her moral "line". I've tried really hard to reach out to her, but she's put up quite a wall. Her family life is not the best and I'm not sure if she's just rebelling or if she is trying to find a quick way out of her home after graduation. Either way, I think this trip is a BAD idea, but I don't really know what to say to her in light of the fact that she has the okay from her parents. Thoughts?
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Wow! That is a toughy. I remember when I was a teen though. I had to make my own mistakes, because I believed that noone really understood. I made a whole bunch too! I didn't have a strong Christian role model to guide me either. The mommy in me tells me to tell you 'tell her she is making a mistake and just has to change her mind'. The rational Christian in me tells me to tell you 'Pray for the words from God, then tell her the truth in love. Let her know your concerns, and that you love her and are there for her if she needs you. More importantly, let her know that you will love her even if she makes choices that you don't agree are to her benefit. Then pray for her, and let her make her choices, good or bad. Keep praying, and allow God to protect her no matter what she chooses.'
I hate to see people head down paths that lead them away from safety, and most of all, their relationship with Christ. But in the end, all we can do is share our knowledge and our love, and let them make the choices. And, of course, should they choose to stray, be there with open arms when they come back.
btw - love the new look!!!
MMMMMM. Toughie. It sounds like she is a mature girl----and from my very personal experience, I think she's looking to be "grown up" and doing this cruise is a way to feel grown up and adult-like. It may be too that she's seeking "fatherly" like love in all the wrong places.
Since her parents are okay with it, I would tread lightly b/c in the end they are the final authority there----but, I wouldn't let it stop me from sowing some seeds with this young lady.
Perhaps you can approach it with positives---explain to her that if this boy is the true man of her dreams, she may want to save the excitement of a big trip for a honeymoon later on. I know that sounds kind of corny, but....
Kids grow up too fast these days. :(
we were yout hleadres for 7 years and youth pastors for a little over 3 years. this is a toughie!
First, you have to talk to her. hopefully you have a good friendship with her and she will vlaue your opinion. #1 -- keep it RESPECTFUL! talk to her as a mature young lady, not like a child. do not try to be like her mother (although it sounds like she needs one)
#2 talk about obeying your mother and father, but above that honoring your Holy Father....talk about her witness, tempation, putting yourself in UNWISE situations....talk about a way out for her....give her an easy way out so she does not look like an idiot in front of her boyfriend.
there are lots of options on what to say, there is no option on IF you should say anything.
She could be going with the intentions of behaving, but everyone is susceptible to slipping. And walking the Christian walk is the toughest thing to do. It is so much easier to lower our moral standards.
Here's the thing she needs to know. It is something I have told my nieces over and over. When girls sleep with their boyfriends, their judgement becomes completely skewed. Suddenly behavior they wouldn't accept from their best friend is ignored, because you have crossed that line and can't go back. Ever.
Tell her to make the decision that she hopes her daughter in the future would give if she found herself in the same situation.
I'm sitting here wondering what I'd tell one of my youth girls, and really I'm not so sure.
I think that, in truth, it would depend on the child. One thing that sticks out THE MOST is that she's got a huge wall up. And she's fallen away from the Lord. The fact that she's shared any of this with you, means that she's placed value in your relationship. If she asks your opinion, be honest. If the opportunity to plant the seed to do something more appropriate to celebrate graduation presents itself, take it. If she doesn't ask, don't step in. One thing I've learned with young adults, especially ones around that age, is that you can't try and 'make' them see reason. They are old enough to know when decisions (such as this one) aren't the best. Just like more mature adults, they have to be allowed to make their own choices and pay the consequences for their own mistakes, without older people feeling the need to counsel. Some lessons are not learned unless the mistake is made. I wouldn't try to force the opportunity to speak, because if the timing is wrong, the message is as good as lost. But I would really be praying about what, if anything, is appropriate for me to say. This young woman knows the risk she's taking. She knows the compromise she's making. Youth who grow up in church know all the biblical reasons not to be physically intimate too soon. That won't be anything she's never heard. She may not know the practical reasons to wait, and if so, that could be an opening. But if she's already been w/this young man (and seeing as how she's comfy enough to go on a cruise w/him, unchaperoned, she probably has), the whole conversation would only serve to alienate her from you. I would pray that the seed be planted in God's time and in His way, and that if He's called you to be the one to plant that seed, that He'd give the opportunity in a way that is very clear. And then I'd wait on Him to answer me...
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